A little bit about me and my little blog

This is by far not the first cricket blog to be written and it certainly won't be the last (or necessarily the best). But it's mine.

This is mainly an excuse for me to carry on about a sport that has been something of an obsession since I was knee high to a middle stump. An obsession which has never left throughout the many highs (behave, there have been some) and lows (and boy have there been many of those…..) of being and England cricket fan in the years since.

The views and opinions in this blog are entirely my own. Sometimes light-hearted, occasionally irreverent, hopefully never offensive.

What gives this fool the right to have an opinion on this great sport? Where are his credentials I hear you ask? Well I think my catch at mid-on in the inter-house final at Heath Grammar school in 1981 speaks for itself…..

Friday, 16 August 2013

The Ashes - 4th Test: Durham

Due to the effects of a heavy cold ( I hear the words man flu and I hunt you down) it means that my normal cricket ramblings will be somewhat less than usual in volume, humour and possibly even in factual information. There may be some of you out there who may argue that those characteristics are normally missing anyway, particularly the second two……well I'm doped up on cold medication at the moment so I don't care…..for now.

Now that I've 'sold' this piece quite beautifully then I suppose an account of the Test match is in order. By no choice of my own ( did I mention that I don't feel well?) it will have to be a rather truncated account of what turned out to be one hell of a Test match. 

*  Captain Cook wins the toss - Oh goody, and then takes a while to decide to bat…..the ball swings here you know………...

*  We then have to listen to the Sky commentary team tall us again about the history of the ground… the people in this part of the world love their sport… Beefy Sir Botham played here… Shane Watson refused to stay in the castle because he thought his room was haunted…… the ball swings at this ground………….

*  Australia have decided that naming an unchanged team is for pansies and bring in pace bowler and part-time Crowded house lead singer lookalike (Neil Finn) - Jackson Bird, who replaces Mr Starc……. the right-hander may not be express pace but apparently he can swing it like a good'un…………which is good as Sky remind us that the ball swings at this ground you know…...

Jackson Bird - Right arm fast medium
Neil Finn - Lead singer of
Crowded house

*  England, drunk with the euphoria of winning the toss promptly decide to employ the 'bugger this getting runs lark' and are all out for 238 with only Captain courageous Cook and OCD Trott bothering to get some runs…… At one one 6 wickets proceed to fall for just 50 runs which is a bit annoying as I was in the bath at the time, so that's my fault then…...Neil Finn promptly repays the Aussie selectors with a couple of wickets…… KP did give a bit of a tonking to Lyons for a while who later annoyingly then gets him out…….. while Lyons continues to make the rest of the world believe he is an off-spinner by getting 4 wickets………..

'Shane, I can't hear you mate!"
*  The Aussie boys needed to respond in a far more measured way when batting and post a sizeable first innings lead. Naturally, that doesn't happen. For example, apart from the excellent Rogers and also Mr Watson (no, you read that correctly), no other batsman had obviously bothered to read the memo sent round by coach and part-time Sky commentary eavesdropper Darren Lehman "to score tons and tons of runs against the Poms"……
At one point the Aussies were 14 runs short of the England total with 5 wickets in hand before deciding that having a sizeable first innings lead was for pansies and were all out for 270. Darren Lehman looks on from the balcony in disbelief, partly from the state of the Aussie batting, but also because the Sky commentary reception is lost………Stuart Broad gets 5 wickets thereby pissing off a lot of people………..

*  Our boys 2nd innings begins………., though this time a show of fighting spirit at last from our batsmen - well some of them anyway, particularly with the Bresinator and Spin King Swann giving the Aussie bowlers a bit of a royal tonking when it had looked like a lead of only 220 ish would be on the cards. It should be noted in dispatches the Mr Bell continued to be this blogger's main cricketing man-crush of the moment by defying the Aussie bowlers to score yet another hundred and thereby continue his elevation from Sherminator to Terminator (sorry about that, I'll get me coat)….………..Ryan Harris continued his annoying habit of being rather good and getting lots of our batsmen out………Lyon gets 3 more wickets, the world is going mad.

*  England are all out for 330, setting the Aussies 299 to win the match…….by all intelligent accounts (and the Sky pundits too) that could be far too much for the battling Aussies, especially if Warner and Rogers don't get off to a good start.

* Bugger. Warner and Rogers get off to a good start.

* 109 runs are put on at a brisk pace…….Golden god Jimmy Anderson looks knackered and the ball isn't swinging….. Crap sky pundit Shane Warne can hardly hide his joy, calls Cook's captaincy negative and scared…….the Aussies reach 186 for 2, still very much in charge and heading for a victory that is increasingly annoying the Sky pundits, or rather the inability of Cook and our boys to get them out - bless em…..the tea interval comes and a chance for me to take more cold medicine ( have I mentioned that I'm not very well?)……It is 5:05 PM and the Aussies are looking bloody good…...

* Stuart Broad then decides enough is enough and decides to go a bit bonkers with the ball, including one that arguably could be the best ball he's ever bowled to get Captain Clarke out……… the Aussie panic now sets in as he takes six wickets in just 43 balls. At one point they were cruising …..seemingly on their way to a much deserved victory……now they are all out. It is 7:40 PM and the Aussies have lost……..

Perhaps the best sound of the day (apart from the cheers of the crowd as Jimmy catches the last wicket of Broad's) is the sound of Shit  pundit Shane Warne trying to be magnanimous after seeing 9 Australian wickets fallin that evening session.

England win the Test match and with it the series - that's now 3 Ashes series in a row

* Let me end on this (before my cold sends me over the edge into pneumonia's perpetual despair)…… Shane Warne continues to belittle Cook's captaincy - Mr Warne, you were a great player, I loved to watch you bowl, but as a pundit you such big chunks……try reading some of the post-match writing and comments from ex-Australian players like Glenn McGrath and Merv Hughes to see what intelligent analysis should be like.

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